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5 things you should know before dating a Japanese Girl

Traditional Japanese Wedding

Although Japanese ladies have a stereotype of being かわいい(Kawaii/cute), dating culture in Japan has unique characteristics influenced by traditional values, societal expectations, and modern trends.  If you come across a Japanese lady in life and both of you find each other attractive. Please take the chance to learn about the 5 most important things while starting a happy relationship.    

1. Kokuhaku / 告白(Confession of Love) is crucial

In Japan,  the concept of "kokuhaku" (confession of love) is often viewed as a move to propose a serious relationship. Modern Japanese women cherish the "happiness of being together" and dating is just about being together for now. "kokuhaku"  can be a significant step in a relationship, and it often precedes the establishment of a more formal boyfriend-girlfriend dynamic.

Before the stage of a formal confession of love or "kokuhaku," Just friends or good friends!

Image by Kev Kindred

2. Slow pace and delayed messaging

In Japan, where manners are a big deal, It's all about finding the right person and the right balance! In general, the relationship may progress at a slower pace compared to some Western cultures. 

#Date casually 

It's quite common for couples to meet only once or twice per week. Unlike the expectation of constant dating or instant messaging seen in many relationships, Japanese couples value having me-time and personal space. Perhaps, not being overly involved might be the hidden key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Image by Sofia M

3. Suttle Communication 

Walking through the torii

4. The unique group dating culture - "Goukon" (合コン)

In Japan, group dating, known as "goukon" (合コン), combines "goudou" (合同) for together and "konpa" (コンパ) for companion. With equal numbers of men and women gathering to socialize and potentially find romantic partners. Goukon often offers a casual and low-pressure way to meet potential partners, reducing the initial pressure of one-on-one dating. 

In fact, many Japanese teenagers participate in matchmaking events starting from high school. Those matchmaking can be seen as a special time for men and women to showcase their "strategy"!

In Japanese communication, besides using polite language, there's an emphasis on softening the tone and avoiding overly direct expressions. The use of cushion words (言葉), creates that atmosphere in daily life, the service industry, business settings, and even dating.


Instead of saying "I love you" or  "I like you", Japanese prefer: 

一緒にいたい! (Issho ni Itai!):  "I wanna stay with you!" This phrase expresses the desire to share precious moments with someone special. While it may seem super common, it conveys the message that you're interested in more than just being friends.

一緒にいるとほっとする/安心する(Issho ni Iru to Hotto suru/Anshin Suru):  "I feel at ease/comforted when we're together." Even though this phrase expresses a deep sense of friendship, we all know that's where it starts:) 

大事にしたい。(Daiji ni Shitai.): "I want to cherish you." When you feel things are moving too fast and you want to slow down or get to know the person on a deeper level, this is the right phrase!  She'll understand how important she is in your mind, not just playing around. 


On the other side, Japanese dating culture also involves subtle non-verbal cues to express interest. These cues can include body language, eye contact, and other gestures.

Eating at the Bar

5. Overcome the language barrier

Image by Y S

Dating a  Japanese girl could be completely or partially different from your dating experiences in the past and this could bring stress to both of you, especially when you can't understand the Japanese language. Here are the quick guides, I wish you success on the speedrun.

Learn the basics:

Text her in Japanese:

Take her to a Japanese restaurant:

Take her to a Japanese restaurant:

Woman on her Laptop

Don’t try too hard to impress 

You might think the only way to impress a Japanese girl is simply by following the tips above. Sadly, you'll need more to build some chemistry. The process of practising open communication and developing trust requires time and consistent connection. Being yourself and being natural is one of the ways to get a Japanese to like you. Trying too hard to impress her may lead to an uncomfortable experience.


Get prepared and be confident!!

Now you have the most important things you need to know before dating a Japanese girl! We know this can be intimidating but it is important to remember that they will respect you for trying to communicate with them in their language.

For more help mastering this situation and others, you can book some Japanese lessons with one of our teachers. We also run tons of cultural experiences so get ready to immerse yourself in the Eastern world!  

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